Watching the view from a distance

From a crossroad to another,I am walking the paths most of us walked before.Although Why I rebelled like the way I did is another story to be shared,The music playing on the background is taking me on for another ride,

Taking me to this boat that I used to sail from one side of my city to the other.To get back to my home.

On those lonely nights after work,it would be so silent,so quite that you could hear the waves pounding on the boat.And looking at the city from the distance as it sails away,gave me a melancholic joy.
We used to be able to smoke out side that public transportation those days.And the smoke coming out of that cigarette would add another dimension to that view.

I was so young and so naive back then.The word regret was not in my vocabulary,didn't have the motto  "I don't regret anything,I just live it,and if it turns out to be a bad thing I learn from it" I didn't have that much of regrets to say this probably.It was just me,and I felt like the world was coming to me.

Life works in a different way though seldom we find ourselves on a crossroad and we take a step towards that moment,then things revel and most of the times we ask ourselves the question of what it could have been like if we took the other way.

Road to regret is so easy to find.Its bitter and hard to accept the fact that whatever it is that made you the person today starts with accepting the choices you made.There is no way of living in the alternative universe where you made that choice differently,so you need to learn to accept it.

Accepting is the hard part,when ever I find my self asking the same question and walking the same road to regretting,I place my self on that boat again and think about that melancholic view and say "that guy sitting on that bench smoking up his cigarettes was happy looking at that view even though he had many questions about life, because he was strong and fearless and he felt like the world was coming to him,why should you feel any different".So why should you,you didn't die yet did you ?

ACT 2:The Lover,The Friend,The Triangle

Act 2:
Lao Tzu once said:
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage"

"Its too late and too cold indeed but nothing a shot of whiskey can't handle after work" said the dock worker,while placing the new crate that arrived in the pile of crates that is getting ready to be shipped.
"Man,its been 4 days since you have seen your wife,don't stay up this late tonight and go home" replied his friend,"its cold but nothing the warmth of your loved one can't heat up".
The Dock worker cleaned the dirt in his hands with his trousers and smiled at his friend " Gina is spending too much time seeing her best friends right now so I don't think she will mind"

We miss and skip those moments sometimes,those moments that carried us to be in love,those moments that made us wake up and embrace the reality that love is the only true freedom.Sadly love is not everlasting,it fades and those chills and butterflies in the stomach fades and all the joy it brings dies into bitterness.Screams of happiness and faces filled with stupid smiles leaves for shots of whiskey and faces that frowns and sobs.Relationships turns into routines leaving for a life filled with one,and during this time,a new fling turns in to a new excitement a door out of your miserable routine .but those flings  good or bad cannot be fully lived,because you still have your heart beating for your loved one.So the flings don't take us anywhere but a frown this time filled with compunction.And we still welcome them.
Why?
For a guy,its always simpler,wandering eyes meets a girl,to be banged for the fun of it.A score that is noted in the scoreboard.
But for a girl,it is not that,Keep in mind that girls always have some guy best friends standing in shadows,some guys that tells them nice things and be there for them whenever they are down,comforting them.
You sometimes catch an sms or mail,the good old guy best friend explaining his feelings in a thuggish romanticism.The guy is probably drunk and he is trying for a home to be settled at cause he is too alone and shit.And when you try to explain to your girlfriend that this friend of hers don't seem right you always end up in   a discussion that ends badly.
And they always come with a package,a similar back story.;A probable short lived flirtation followed by  5 years and plus friendship where they joked about being back together again from time to time.But when you bring this subject up you are the bad guy,cause they had  all the time in the world to be that but they didn't so you should be great full?

So the flirtation works,so it does for the guy too.A relationship filled with boredom can always be a new window for a relationship with a good friend,that has flirtations in it.
I've been in all the spots of this love triangle,never had a best girlfriend who had alternative motives to be friends with me,I don't think best girlfriends become best girlfriends because of their alternative motives anyway they are different from us guys.
But we on the other hand want a girl sometimes but end up in the best friends department.Or start sharing our dis functional relationships with her,to get pointers and when it all ends for us,find ourselves,wanting to be with our best girlfriends.
Knowing that includes a harsh burden when it comes to you being the boyfriend and that other guy being in your shoes being the best friend.Is that Karma?
In the end I came up with a conclusion,This whole situation,this whole mind fucking,anger making,stomach curling,disgusting situation is not on the boyfriend or the best friend,it is all on the flirtatious girlfriend who says yes to you and keeps the alternative on the side.
Cause with or without knowing she continues on flirting with the best friend but in a way when confronted about it she has all the proofs that she never did such a thing.While saying to the boyfriend that he is the only guy for her,the guy she fell in love with and the guy who she lets inside of her privacy.

The only Innocent person here is the boyfriend who know what is going on but keeps harmed in anyway.
So what Braindamage says is stop lying to yourselves and admit what you are doing for once.

Stories of a damaged brain

ACT 1:THE MANIFESTO


So this a gallery a gallery of paintings painted by artists like you and me,placed on a wall called life.Recently I find myself in front of a painting which I believe is my life.I take a peak at the other painting next to mine,and in an unsatisfied gesture I turn around and start taking a tour of this art gallery and ask myself  "how is it,that all of these paintings are so similar?"The answer I have not yet found but I think I am close.May be its because we are living similar lives without even knowing or caring for it.
So,we are born,we learn to walk and run.We start socializing,we have friends and people we dislike,we get bullied,we get yelled at,we learn the ways to stand up once we fall down,and then we fall down again.Then life takes a new turn and starts teaching you its rules.
By the age of 1 you learn that there are rules,but you don't care for it.You have to eat,at dinner time,you shouldn't cry too much,you should start speaking,you should sleep at sleep time and you should grow up to live for the new sets of rules.So you start crying,that basic fact never changes,from that point on.
Basically the social environment we are living in states that,we should be involved in a religion, have a nice education, and work background,be done with government services like military(if its mandatory),have a career planed out and an aspiration in the gut to have more material things.Having a bank loan so that we could buy permanent or  semi-permanent things like a house,a dog maybe,a car definitely,a marriage and a baby or a couple of babies.And after that point on we become a complete part of a system that made us cry in the first year of our lives.
As I am walking around the gallery I rarely see happy faces,most of the spectators are sad and disgusted that in their paintings they had to draw things they didn't want to but they did it anyway so that they could fit in.Most of them are doing jobs that they never wanted to,and supporting a dis functional family,because they are living in one where there is no love anymore only forced labor.Or they were married because it was logical.
I finish my tour and stand infront of the painting that I started to hate,light up a cigarette,I hear Jim singing The End in my head,start to remember,every relationship I had and the jobs that I was in,every single mistake that made me draw this carbon copy of a painting that was forced on me to be drawn while I wished to draw something entirely different.This quote comes into my mind.

Emma Goldman once said

"Anarchism, really stands for the liberation of the human mind from the dominion of religion; the liberation of the human body from the dominion of property; liberation from the shackles and restraint of government"

I realize that my cigarette is nearly finished and I have to put it out.And I slam it in the middle of that pitiful piece of art,burning every detail with its heat.A grin forms on my face,as I know that my brain will be damaged forever from this point on.Cause I will have my way with life.not theirs.

This is only Act 1 of a series of stories that will be shared...Stories that are familiar to us all.